I am very excited to get feed-back from my instructor so soon. I was afraid it would take weeks and weeks. This is great. I am not good at waiting. I want it yesterday.
She did remind me of something that I have always told writers...It is better to "show" than "tell." She highlighted a section of my story and told me that it would have been more effective to "show." That is right. I agree. I will take the advice and try to do better next time.
Sometimes, we forget that the reader has no idea of what is inside of our heads while we write. We know where we are headed and they do not. We have to show them. We have to explain better. I also used this "the institute" and I really should have given it a name so that the reader knows a little more about it. Maybe the name also gives meaning to the action.
All in all, I was very pleased with the comments.
I do admit that the last comment made me smile. My instructor said Very intriguing!
That made the entire assignment worth while. Don't we all want readers to read what we write and say "Intriguing?"